Old Will

Like an eternal fixture the old man sat on the bench, attentive as always, to life as it passed by. By and by he would speak to me about something of a trivial nature. Yet, in his eyes he was saying something else; few ever knew him well enough to know the truth that lay behind the look. The real thoughts that haunted his mind, the things he had seen, the things he had done, the places left far behind only to be found now in the caverns of his mind. A lifetime of memories like so many treasures revealed to only a chosen few.

Oh if only I were a smarter man, if only I had had the sense to write things down as they happened. However, as the old saying goes, hind sight is twenty twenty; I can not claim to be other than normal, for it is the same for the huge majority of us. Life should not be about the “what if’s” or the “if only’s” it must be about the now and what we decide to do with it.

One of life’s hard lessons is the fact that before we sometimes realize what treasures are right before our eyes, they’re gone never to return. Then and only then we learn that we have taken this great and subtle gift for granted. This old man, this dear sweet old friend, old Will, which was short for William, was for me a gift that I took for granted, insomuch as I thought he would live for ever; one day he was simply gone.

As I think back I can remember him, as clearly as though he were still here. It’s the strangest thing, even now after all these years, as I walk through the breezeway of our towns business section, and turn to the right, towards the bank, I expect to see him setting on the bench. His absence brings me back to the reality of the void. A shot of emptiness stabs my heart, and then it is quickly replaced with the warmth of his smile and the look in his friendly eyes. This repeatedly brings on a fond memory, a treasure of the grandest kind.

For me to say I knew him well would be wide of the mark. Yet, I can say that I knew him better than many. Perhaps it was that I looked beyond the constant smile seen by all, maybe I listened more intently to the things unheard by most. For within this most humble of men was a man of great knowledge, a man filled with pride for his country, a man filled with a great love for family and friends, and mankind in general. He was above all else, a man worth knowing; one that I am honoured say was one of my dearest friends.

Oh so rare are his kind, for I never once heard him say an unkind word of another. Even when someone had done a wrong, he would find a positive thing to say. Possibly it was because of the hell he had witnessed in his time. It could have been to him anything he saw after the hell paled by comparison. Hell on earth comes in many forms; perhaps we can only know hell on earth if we live within in it. Which hell on earth is the worst? I think we would know it if we saw it; Will knew it because he lived it. Once released from it’s grip, he had only then to deal with the horrifying memories that hell had left with him.

It was always there, under the surface, behind the smile, haunting and nagging at his soul. Many never seen it or knew it existed. But the look deep in his eyes betrayed his well disguised demeanour. Yet, with all of the ugliness there was also a sense of pride that he possessed knowing that he had played his part and had given his best to his comrades and country. The fulfilment of knowing that he belonged to a magnificent group of the many just like him who had faced evil in the eye and conquered it’s would be domination. Every time I watched him carry the flag in a parade or other function, I saw that pride, that look of a life that had true meaning.

Then there was the pain of the present. The hurt when those few mindless scoundrels would ignore him, scoff at him; look down on him as less than human. Thankless Ignoramuses the lot of them and I am proud to say so. But not old Will, no…he would just smile and treat them far better than they deserved. Not once did a harsh word for them ever cross his lips. For he viewed all people the same, none better, none worse. He had see the worst that man can do, and these mindless Asses fell far short of that type of evil.

His eyes though, they were not filled with hate, no…it was more in line with extreme sadness. Sad because of the sacrifice so many made. Sad because there were, even a few, that did not appreciate in any way shape or form what he and so many others did for them. At the same time thankful for the many more that did appreciate their sacrifices.

So many emotions racing up and down back and forth in his mind, combining to cause that look in his eyes. There was another thing that he possessed that betrayed his outward appearance, his voice. Steady slow and deep were the words that came from within him. Their tones to my ear rang with sadness even when he laughed I heard it. For on those rare occasions when it was just him and I, he would tell me portions of his past. The little shake of his head and the look down at the ground when in his mind he was taken back to that time as if it were only yesterday. The hurt and the pain was clear.

Then there were the other stories, the ones that filled the air with laughter. Like when he and Uncle Fred would go fishing, or the story of the twelve point buck. I heard these stories over and over and they never lost their appeal. Yet even then, the sadness was there, behind the laugh, given away by the look in his eyes.
In this world there are thousands of people that have achieved greatness. Greatness is defined in as many ways as there are people. For me, I have my great hero’s, but none are greater than Will.

What is it like to want nothing more than to be accepted? For many of us, we will never know because we have never known a time when we were not accepted. But Will knew what it felt like, because acceptance was all he ever wanted. Sadly, he never always got it. I am not sure how to ever change this in our society, I think it has always been there and always will be; this feeling that some people get that leads them to think they are better than everyone else. I am sure of one thing, old Will never had these feelings and I learned a lot about acceptance from him. I especially learned what I didn’t want to be, because I never wanted to cause that kind of feeling in another person, that hurtful feeling of non acceptance.

As I remember Will and my other old friends, I wonder where we are headed. This leads me to fear, and then I reel myself back to the now. Here today, this is what is vital for all of us. We can’t change something once it has happened. Tomorrow is important, yet today is the most important. I say this because what we decide to do today will affect what happens tomorrow. We can choose to ignore flames of destruction or we can try and extinguish them. It is our choice to make. We can choose to set back in our own little worlds and ignore wrong, saying it is not our problem. If our Grandparents had done this, today’s world would be very different.
Today does make a difference. We make a difference if we are a mind too. When thousands of British troops were trapped in a place called Dunkirk, it was the people they were fighting for that made the difference. What would have happened if those people did not make the difference? What difference does it make if my son and his son never hear of the difference these people made? What difference will it make if my son and his son never get to know people like old Will and the difference that he and those like him made? I think that we need to do more, much more, to ensure that doesn’t ever happen.

If I was able to give one piece of advice to the next generation it would be for them to start today getting to know more about the past. History from the internet, books, movies, and people, this will then reveal more of how we should live today, thus charting our course and the next generation’s course into the future, and there is no better form of history than from someone who has lived it and in many cases made it.

Folks seem to talk a lot about the “this and that” of how bad things are getting. It’s like Mark Twain said though “people always talk about the weather but no ones does anything about it”; I think we need to do something about the “this and that” of today. Take the time to get to know the old Will’s out there. Each of them has a host of lessons to share, treasures if only we could just see them as such.
Take advantage of every opportunity to get to know these people who have lived and listen to what they have to say. Do not take for granted that they will always be there. Take the time starting today to spend time with these living breathing books of history. You won’t be sorry that you did.
Have you ever once looked into the eyes of a veteran and listened, really listened? Have you ever done it with any older person that has lived? If you haven’t, its time you did. Trust me, as Will would say “I’m honest”, it will change you inside if you let it.

There are some that would say I wasted my time setting and talking to people like old Will. I feel sorry for those that think this. My times were many and never once wasted. I learned a lot and had the time of my life doing it.
One day, we will all get old. At that time I am sure we will all have lots we can share with those that will listen. It will be nice if we have the ears of some young interested folks to talk too. Besides learning valuable lessons, you will get the chance to make some of the best friends you could ever have. The joy you will feel when you know the person you are talking with is truly glad to be with you can not be described.

I will never forget all those wonderful times when I would meet up with old Will, how his face would light up knowing that I was one that really cared about what he had to say. He knew that I was one that wanted to truly spend time with him. He knew that I accepted him. Many were the times when I would walk into the Legion and he was always among the first to shout my name and ask me to set down with him “gee….come set down…I’ll getcha a Blue”. How I long for those times to return, but I know that can never be, not with old Will or the rest. Yet, those times can be had for me again and they can be had for you too. It is what we choose to do today that will make a memory for all the tomorrows to come.

RL Tex Smith
Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Passion

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Passion

This will be deep! However, I will try my best to make it simple.
Wait! Don’t stop reading; give me a chance. I know in this time of fast pace, hurry up and wait… hurry to go where? We have no time for the babblings of some crazy old lunatic that is rambling on about some gibberish that will serve no purpose. There will be nothing… (In it for me). Because, if we are honest, that is how the world works today, Quid Pro Quo. It’s too bad too.
If you give me a chance, perhaps I will at least make you think, so why not get a coffee and sit down with this; what have you got to lose?

Imagine if you will, that you are in a classroom. There is a professor at the chalk board. He is writing notes and you think…I should copy these notes….they may be important. You ask yourself…Is anyone else writing these notes down? The strange thing is that everyone is likely thinking the same thing as you. So everyone is looking at each other, with puzzled looks. Because as of yet, the professor has said nothing. You are still doubting, and your mind is saying should I or should I not? The old saying… “Fools rush in” is arguing with thoughts of …. “If I do not copy this down….and it is important…then I will be in a mess.”
Finally, one brave soul decides to start writing. Good, now I can go ahead and not look like a geek. Soon the entire works of the class is doing the same. We really are more like sheep than we care to admit.
You write feverishly so as to get the information. Professors have a tendency to erase and keep writing, with the appearance that they could care less if you are finished copying or not. They are on their own time table, not yours.
Soon though, the professor sets down. He rubs his hands together to wipe away the chalk dust, then wipes an apple off, grabs the daily paper, gets comfortable, and begins to read. It is like he is the only one in the room, like he does not even acknowledge that the room is filled with you and those like you.
Again you see some puzzled faces. Yours being one of them.Then one brave over achiever asks, “Sir…could you give us some direction?” To no avail. The professor continues to read the paper and devour his apple, as if he heard nothing at all.
Then and only then do you go back and read what you have copied once again. Because when we get in a hurry, we tend to accomplish the primary task, with little or no regard for anything else. You decided to copy the notes, and to do it at a fast pace so as not to miss getting them. You copied the words with out really digesting what they said.
Here is what it said.

“At a time beyond two weeks from now but less than three; be prepared to speak in front of the class, on the importance of a food chain in the ecosystem. You can be as creative as you see fit. It is important to point out that your priorities are all important as to the effort you give this task. You can elect to abstain from this endeavour, or, you can choose to be prepared. The choice is entirely up to you as an individual. You will have up to a twenty minute time limit for this exercise. Wisdom dictates that our choices be made in accordance with logic.”

So, you read it. Then you reread it. You look around and begin to realize the different fears that are starting to manifest themselves on people’s faces, along with the ones hatching inside of you.
There is a small revolt beginning as different people begin asking questions.
“What will this be worth?” What does this have to do with a psychology class…if I wanted to be a biologist…I would have chosen to enrol in those studies”
“Please give us a date so we will know exactly when this will be due.”
“There was nothing in the course outline that stated we would have to speak in front of people.”
Several more comments are made none of which the professor acknowledges. Finally though, he puts down his paper. Tosses his apple core in the waste can, turns with no emotion or change of expression and says. “You have all the information you need….at least all that you are going to get….I suggest you act accordingly…class dismissed.” With this said, he very calmly picks up his things from his desk and walks out of the class. Louder statements are made by many. The unfairness of it all is emphasised. Yet, nothing seems to deter the professor’s exit.
Now then, we jump ahead to two and half weeks from now. You have decided to give this enough effort to at least pass. You have heard of some folks that have chosen to ignore this task, thinking that it will only account for a small portion of the final mark. You know of other classmates that have burned the midnight oil putting forth a great effort to gather, prepare, and organize the information.
You have one friend that has remained non committed as to how they will approach this.
The day arrives and with much apprehension and perhaps a bit of interest as to how this will play out, you go in to class.
The professor is seated at his desk as the class begins. One by one he calls the name of the members of the class.
When you are called you go forth with butterflies in your stomach and present what you have prepared. You do it with as much emotion and vigour as you first thought, enough to go through the motions and pass. Just what was required and nothing more. After all, you have a lot of other work to do too.
You get through it, and it is like one thousand pounds has been lifted from your back upon completion. You did look for some sign of how you did from the professor, yet you receive none. For just as he did with the others he said nothing. He just seemed to listen and make a few notes. He never once showed any emotion one way or the other.
You listen to the various presentations, assessing each as they speak. Some are short and sweet and to the point. Some are done in such a manor they may as well have read them aloud in the first place, for that is what they did anyway. Some use power point presentations to enhance their presentations. Yet even some of these are just words, no diagrams, no pictures, so it was just like a reading in the long run. And yes there were a few that abstained. Even at this, you noticed that the professor never gave a sign of emotion one way or the other.
There was one person though, that made you laugh; he made you feel, well…good. It was also informative, not too long, not too short. The student spoke to the entire class and seemed very comfortable. He only used his notes as a reference, instead of just reading a bunch of information. You also found that it was interesting, because…you actually learned some things from his presentation. Perhaps even to the point of reading more about the subject on your own time.
Once done the professor stands in front of the class.
He then spoke.
“Today we have witnessed some very creative presentations. Further, we have seen many different styles. Some chose not to participate. Well…in life there are choices….We all are presented everyday with challenges where we have to make decisions, sometimes based on very little information. The point to this exercise was to see how we all react differently to basically the same thing. Really there were none of you right or wrong. Yet it was very interesting to see how you all reacted to this. I certainly have learned a great deal from this little experiment, it is my hope that you did too. Why? Because…my friends…two weeks from today…I will expect a formal paper from each of you relating to what this exercise has taught you. I do not want to know what you learned about a food chain either. I want you to relate what this entire process has taught you about life. This will be very important to you as it will account for 60% on your final exam.”
This now seemed somehow in an odd way to make sense. At least now we had enough information to make a semi sound decision as to what to do.
Had I learned anything from this? My answer is yes. And I think if you think about it you will too.

It strikes me that in life it is a lot like this example. There are some of us that choose to do nothing, commit to nothing, because most of the time they either don’t care or there is nothing in it for them. There are those that give just enough to get by. Then there are the few that give their all with great enthusiasm.
It is easy to be enthusiastic about something you believe in. But how do you know if you really believe in something? I think you believe in something when you are excited about it. When the hair on your neck stands and you get the tingles. When you have an insatiable desire to learn all you can about it. When you speak about it with passion.
We are, I think, becoming a society with less and less passion about anything.
Sadly, when we come across a person that is full of passion, some of us, not all, put the person down, label him an idiot or childish. Some of us will do anything to make the person with passion seem less than they are.
There are likely many reasons for this. I think one huge reason is envy, or jealousy. It seems some folks get in a rut and they feel somehow threatened by a person who is not. Sometimes it seems they are in the rut and they like it there, and they want everyone to be in the same rut with them. I for one can not bring myself to feel this. In fact I have a very hard time understanding it. I love to listen to people and I really like a person that has passion. I am however, not into the mean spirited type of passion. To me this type of person is not all that different than Hitler. You all know these types of people. My way only. You had better listen to me. I am right and the rest of the world is wrong. These types of people. They may well be passionate, but to me it is the wrong type of passion.
So then, this begs the question, what am I most passionate about? Because if I think if I know these things, I will come to know what I believe in.
I self evaluate all the time. I ask myself questions. Some would call this a struggle for identity, or paranoia. I call it part of learning.
If you are like me, then you all can remember a teacher that you had that seemed to be full of an endless supply of information to impart on us with a never ending, never changing, emotionless, monotone, uncreative, demeanour.
You likely remember another teacher that touched you with their enthusiasm and creativity, their passion.
The difference is, because you remember them both, I will venture to guess that you remember well the lessons of the passionate teacher. While the only thing you really remember from the other is how positively boring they were. How hard you had to struggle to stay awake, and very little about the lesson.
To me this person with no passion is a huge problem, because it gives me several feelings. One, the person really could care less if I got anything from their teaching. Two, the person generally comes across as….I know you don’t let’s just leave it at that…attitude. Or they are just going through the motions. Just putting forth enough effort to get by. No passion whatsoever.
It is easy to be passionate about the things we enjoy the most. Take baseball for example, if this is something you like; you generally will be full of information about the teams and players. You will know inside and out the rules of the game. You will strive to learn all you can about the game. You just plain enjoy it. It brings you joy. It maybe golf or something else, but no matter what it is, if you truly love it, if you truly are devoted to it, if you believe in it without trying. Then it will be easy to be passionate about it.
So then, if you do not go around showing to everyone the passion you have for something, am I saying you don’t believe in it? No I am not. I think for a host of reasons people tend a lot of the time to hide their passions. They don’t want to make a big deal about it. Part of the reason is they do not want others to put them down. They want to be accepted. They do not like the feeling of being made fun of. They want and deserve respect. I think it is absurd that this exists; to me it is a very high form of petty meanness. It is something I will never be able to accept or understand, why some people get so big on themselves they feel the need to look down on another person in a host of different ugly ways. And that is what it is to me, plain and simple, ugly.
I also find it interesting that the people who you know the best, the people you grew up with, are by far the worst offenders. Again, not all, but some, make it their mission in life to prove to the world they are better than you by telling you exactly what you should and shouldn’t do and how you are wrong if you don’t agree with them.
It seems to me that even Jesus could not preach in his home town because of this very thing. I mean…who does he think he is…he is just a carpenter…where does he get off…I knew him when…Things like that.
So what do I believe, what do you believe. God?.... Well? Do I believe in God? Do you? Is it okay to have doubts? Because I do have doubts. The person who tells you that they have no doubts…well….lets just say…I am very careful around these types of people.
I come from the world of wildland fire suppression; I have been involved in it for a very long time. Because of this, I get to help out with some courses here and there as an instructor. I tell folks at the start of every course somewhat the same thing. I tell them, the one thing I have learned for sure is how little I know. The reason is clear, the learning never stops because we are involved very personally front and center with one of the most powerful forces in nature. No matter what I learn, there is always something new to learn. I do not think that one person can ever know it all.
If I could find a person that has fought fire in every type of environment under every type of condition, in all types of weather, then I might say that person knows almost everything. I know a lot of people a lot smarter than I am about wildland fire, and I can tell you I have never come close to meeting anyone like that. And I know I never will either.
Yet, I have met a lot of folks that say and let on like they know all there is to know about wildland fire…..and I tell every class….these are the folks that will get you hurt or worse…killed…if you let them.
So then, what are you passionate about? What do you believe in? I don’t want you to tell me, tell yourself.
And if you are passionate, do you show it? If not, why don’t you?
No one will know for sure but you and God.
I said before we all want to be accepted no matter if is on a baseball team or if it is church. This is part of being human. I think acceptance is a key. Tolerance is a key. I do not like to forced to do or not do anything. I try not to do this to other folks because I wouldn’t want them doing it to me.
My walk with the Lord is my own, and if I walk wrong, he will let me know in some way. It is a private thing between myself and God. I don’t need to know what another person views as right and wrong. What might be right for them may not be right for me and vice versa. Who am I to tell you that you are wrong with your thoughts? I am not speaking of the wrongs all of society has deemed wrong, like breaking laws. I am speaking of the things a person believes and is passionate about. When it comes to that, it should be between me and the Lord.
I do not feel like we should have to agree in all aspects of we believe in order to be treated with respect or to be accepted.
To me it is very clear. We are all the same, none better, none worse. It is not up to me to judge peoples beliefs, beyond the written laws that we all have to obey. If you do not like rock music, that’s fine by me, but I don’t think that because you think it is wrong, it gives you the right to tell me that I am evil because I do. Well…you can say this to me….it does not mean I have to listen. Think about it, be honest with yourself. If some one were to make a habit of pointing out how you are less of a person than they are because of something as ridiculous as this. Do they really change the way you think? Do they really change your belief? You may well give in to them, for the want of acceptance, but I seriously doubt they will ever change what you believe. I think only you are able to do that.
I know it sounds like I am some sort of rebel. I am not trying to be.
Ask yourself which is worse. The person smoking a cigarette, or the person condemning that person to hell because he is smoking. See to me, as long as society deems it is legal, and the person is not telling me that I should smoke, or they are not making me breath second hand smoke, then who am I to say they shouldn’t. Do I think they will go to hell because they smoke? I do not.
And I believe the same about a lot of things that people for whatever reason believe are wrong.
I love country music. I have a passion for it. I am not forcing others to listen to it if they do not like it. I do not see where my country music listening has caused harm to anyone else either. Yet I have been told that I should only listen to gospel music. That any other type of music is wrong. Hmmm, can’t find anywhere when Jesus said that all music is bad and you will burn in hell if you play or listen to anything but gospel music or hymns.
I know that there will be someone out there that will have a list of reasons as to why my thinking is wrong. To these folks I say, good. Say what you will, I doubt that you will change what I believe. Yet you can try if you wish.
I do recall that Jesus had something to say to the Pharisees about making rules that were hard for people to follow, just so they could feel better about themselves.
I do recall that Jesus said that anyone that accepts Him and asks for forgiveness will be saved.
I do recall that Jesus said that it is not what goes into a person that makes them wrong, it is what comes out of a person that can make him wrong.
And best of all, at least where I am concerned, Jesus gave us two great laws. Love the Lord with all your heart mind and soul. And love others as you would have them love you.
For me it is just too much of a stretch to think that going to a dance with my wife will condemn me to hell.
But then this is just what I think…I am not in anyway telling you what you should think.
One thing I do find really unacceptable, is how passion and enthusiasm is put down by some. I think we need to let our passions flow, regardless of what others think.

Until next time, may God bless you all, and may He give us the courage to be real. Tex