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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Old Will



Like an eternal fixture the old man sat on the bench, attentive as always, to life as it passed by. By and by he would speak to me about something of a trivial nature. Yet, in his eyes he was saying something else; few ever knew him well enough to know the truth that lay behind the look. The real thoughts that haunted his mind, the things he had seen, the things he had done, the places left far behind only to be found now in the caverns of his mind. A lifetime of memories like so many treasures revealed to only a chosen few.

Oh if only I were a smarter man, if only I had had the sense to write things down as they happened. However, as the old saying goes, hind sight is twenty twenty; I can not claim to be other than normal, for it is the same for the huge majority of us. Life should not be about the “what if’s” or the “if only’s” it must be about the now and what we decide to do with it.

One of life’s hard lessons is the fact that before we sometimes realize what treasures are right before our eyes, they’re gone never to return. Then and only then we learn that we have taken this great and subtle gift for granted. This old man, this dear sweet old friend, old Will, which was short for William, was for me a gift that I took for granted, insomuch as I thought he would live for ever; one day he was simply gone.

As I think back I can remember him, as clearly as though he were still here. It’s the strangest thing, even now after all these years, as I walk through the breezeway of our towns business section, and turn to the right, towards the bank, I expect to see him setting on the bench. His absence brings me back to the reality of the void. A shot of emptiness stabs my heart, and then it is quickly replaced with the warmth of his smile and the look in his friendly eyes. This repeatedly brings on a fond memory, a treasure of the grandest kind.

For me to say I knew him well would be wide of the mark. Yet, I can say that I knew him better than many. Perhaps it was that I looked beyond the constant smile seen by all, maybe I listened more intently to the things unheard by most. For within this most humble of men was a man of great knowledge, a man filled with pride for his country, a man filled with a great love for family and friends, and mankind in general. He was above all else, a man worth knowing; one that I am honoured say was one of my dearest friends.

Oh so rare are his kind, for I never once heard him say an unkind word of another. Even when someone had done a wrong, he would find a positive thing to say. Possibly it was because of the hell he had witnessed in his time. It could have been to him anything he saw after the hell paled by comparison. Hell on earth comes in many forms; perhaps we can only know hell on earth if we live within in it. Which hell on earth is the worst? I think we would know it if we saw it; Will knew it because he lived it. Once released from it’s grip, he had only then to deal with the horrifying memories that hell had left with him.

It was always there, under the surface, behind the smile, haunting and nagging at his soul. Many never seen it or knew it existed. But the look deep in his eyes betrayed his well disguised demeanour. Yet, with all of the ugliness there was also a sense of pride that he possessed knowing that he had played his part and had given his best to his comrades and country. The fulfilment of knowing that he belonged to a magnificent group of the many just like him who had faced evil in the eye and conquered it’s would be domination. Every time I watched him carry the flag in a parade or other function, I saw that pride, that look of a life that had true meaning.

Then there was the pain of the present. The hurt when those few mindless scoundrels would ignore him, scoff at him; look down on him as less than human. Thankless Ignoramuses the lot of them and I am proud to say so. But not old Will, no…he would just smile and treat them far better than they deserved. Not once did a harsh word for them ever cross his lips. For he viewed all people the same, none better, none worse. He had see the worst that man can do, and these mindless Asses fell far short of that type of evil.

His eyes though, they were not filled with hate, no…it was more in line with extreme sadness. Sad because of the sacrifice so many made. Sad because there were, even a few, that did not appreciate in any way shape or form what he and so many others did for them. At the same time thankful for the many more that did appreciate their sacrifices.

So many emotions racing up and down back and forth in his mind, combining to cause that look in his eyes. There was another thing that he possessed that betrayed his outward appearance, his voice. Steady slow and deep were the words that came from within him. Their tones to my ear rang with sadness even when he laughed I heard it. For on those rare occasions when it was just him and I, he would tell me portions of his past. The little shake of his head and the look down at the ground when in his mind he was taken back to that time as if it were only yesterday. The hurt and the pain was clear.

Then there were the other stories, the ones that filled the air with laughter. Like when he and Uncle Fred would go fishing, or the story of the twelve point buck. I heard these stories over and over and they never lost their appeal. Yet even then, the sadness was there, behind the laugh, given away by the look in his eyes.
In this world there are thousands of people that have achieved greatness. Greatness is defined in as many ways as there are people. For me, I have my great hero’s, but none are greater than Will.

What is it like to want nothing more than to be accepted? For many of us, we will never know because we have never known a time when we were not accepted. But Will knew what it felt like, because acceptance was all he ever wanted. Sadly, he never always got it. I am not sure how to ever change this in our society, I think it has always been there and always will be; this feeling that some people get that leads them to think they are better than everyone else. I am sure of one thing, old Will never had these feelings and I learned a lot about acceptance from him. I especially learned what I didn’t want to be, because I never wanted to cause that kind of feeling in another person, that hurtful feeling of non acceptance.

As I remember Will and my other old friends, I wonder where we are headed. This leads me to fear, and then I reel myself back to the now. Here today, this is what is vital for all of us. We can’t change something once it has happened. Tomorrow is important, yet today is the most important. I say this because what we decide to do today will affect what happens tomorrow. We can choose to ignore flames of destruction or we can try and extinguish them. It is our choice to make. We can choose to set back in our own little worlds and ignore wrong, saying it is not our problem. If our Grandparents had done this, today’s world would be very different.
Today does make a difference. We make a difference if we are a mind too. When thousands of British troops were trapped in a place called Dunkirk, it was the people they were fighting for that made the difference. What would have happened if those people did not make the difference? What difference does it make if my son and his son never hear of the difference these people made? What difference will it make if my son and his son never get to know people like old Will and the difference that he and those like him made? I think that we need to do more, much more, to ensure that doesn’t ever happen.

If I was able to give one piece of advice to the next generation it would be for them to start today getting to know more about the past. History from the internet, books, movies, and people, this will then reveal more of how we should live today, thus charting our course and the next generation’s course into the future, and there is no better form of history than from someone who has lived it and in many cases made it.

Folks seem to talk a lot about the “this and that” of how bad things are getting. It’s like Mark Twain said though “people always talk about the weather but no ones does anything about it”; I think we need to do something about the “this and that” of today. Take the time to get to know the old Will’s out there. Each of them has a host of lessons to share, treasures if only we could just see them as such.
Take advantage of every opportunity to get to know these people who have lived and listen to what they have to say. Do not take for granted that they will always be there. Take the time starting today to spend time with these living breathing books of history. You won’t be sorry that you did.
Have you ever once looked into the eyes of a veteran and listened, really listened? Have you ever done it with any older person that has lived? If you haven’t, its time you did. Trust me, as Will would say “I’m honest”, it will change you inside if you let it.

There are some that would say I wasted my time setting and talking to people like old Will. I feel sorry for those that think this. My times were many and never once wasted. I learned a lot and had the time of my life doing it.
One day, we will all get old. At that time I am sure we will all have lots we can share with those that will listen. It will be nice if we have the ears of some young interested folks to talk too. Besides learning valuable lessons, you will get the chance to make some of the best friends you could ever have. The joy you will feel when you know the person you are talking with is truly glad to be with you can not be described.

I will never forget all those wonderful times when I would meet up with old Will, how his face would light up knowing that I was one that really cared about what he had to say. He knew that I was one that wanted to truly spend time with him. He knew that I accepted him. Many were the times when I would walk into the Legion and he was always among the first to shout my name and ask me to set down with him “gee….come set down…I’ll getcha a Blue”. How I long for those times to return, but I know that can never be, not with old Will or the rest. Yet, those times can be had for me again and they can be had for you too. It is what we choose to do today that will make a memory for all the tomorrows to come.

RL Tex Smith
Wednesday, August 4, 2010

3 comments:

  1. Tex,

    This post has moved me in so many ways I am unable to express it clearly in words. What you have said resonates with me on a very deep, inner level.

    As I progressed through the post, I couldn't help but think how much your description of Will reminded me of my maternal Grandfather - such a gentle, caring man, who had nothing but good to say about anyone, and yet there was always this underlying layer of sadness... a look in his eyes that was there no matter whether he was sitting on the front steps watching the world go by, as he often did, or if he was having a great belly laugh with friends.

    Thank you for sharing your memories of Will. And thank you so much for the memories your writing has brought to my mind.

    I look forward to working my way through the rest of your blog, and also look forward to reading your posts in the future.

    Kelly

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  2. Kelly
    Thanks so much for the very nice comments. I have been tied up lately which left little time for writing. I hope to rectify that in the near future. I hope you enjoy the rest of my blog as you get the time.
    Again thank you very much.
    Take care.
    Tex

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  3. Hi Tex,
    Reading your article. Resurrect a long lost desire. Missed loved ones who have gone before me. Cause pain that can not be told with words.

    Waiting for ur next post.

    Wiwid

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